The People of D-FILED CHRIS PARCELLIN
PUBLISHER & WEBMASTER
Born: Malden, MA
"Educated": Emerson College
Goals: Have a good time all the time.
Quote: "Baby you think you're a champ, but girl you ain't nothin' but a raw ramp."--Marc Bolan

CHRIS's TOP TEN ALBUMS:
Rolling Stones (tie) "Exile On Main Street" and "Sticky Fingers"
Aerosmith "Rocks"
New York Dolls "The New York Dolls"
The Stooges (tie) "Funhouse" & "Raw Power"
Ramones "Rocket To Russia"
Sex Pistols "Never Mind the Bollocks..."
Real Kids "The Real Kids"
DMZ "Relics"
Dead Boys "Young, Loud & Snotty"
Nervous Eaters "Hot Steel & Acid"


ERIN-ELVIS
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Resides: Ann Arbor, MI
Hobbies: Booze, dope & violence
Favorite Quote: "Beat on the brat with a baseball bat!"--Joey Ramone

ERIN's CURRENT TOP TEN ALBUMS:
1. "Desolation Blvd. by Sweet
2. "Crimes of Passion" by Pat Benatar
3. "Apostrophy" by Frank Zappa
4. "Fear Not The Obvious" by the Yayhoos
5. "Maggot Brain" by Funkadelic
6. "...And The Circus Leaves Town" by Kyuss
7. "Exile On Main Street" by the STONES!
8. "Tougher Than Leather" by Willie Nelson
9. "Rocket To Russia" by the Ramones
10. "Hell Bent For Leather" by Judas Priest

TRIXXXIE
MINISTER OF PROPAGANDA Resides: Houston, TX
Goal: To be richer than Anna Nicole Smith
Favorite Quote: "Keep on fuckin'!"--Ruyter Suys


FECK DANGLER
PORN EXPERT & CAMP COUNSELOR
Born: Tupelo, MS
Educated: Green Grass High School
Favorite Quote: "I ain't no Teenage Frankenstein."

FECK's TOP TEN ALBUMS:
1. "Al Sings Golden Classics About Screwing" by Al Goldstein
2. "I Will Poop On You" by Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog
3. "LIE" by Charles Manson
4. "Growing Up Stupid in Trafton Park" by Turd Fergeson
5. "Summer of Drugs (That's EVERY Summer)" by Feck Dangler
6. "Why Is Everyone Against Me?/Stop Following Me" by Joey Nickels
7. "Foul Tips for Swingers" by Johnny Pesky
8. "Hanging In the Slot" by Phil Esposito & the Zambonis
9. "Country Standards VOL.2" by Stank Matthews & His Inbred Hillbillies
10. "You Hurt My Who's-Ya-Call-It" by The Screaming Shit-Heels

SUKI BARGER
MASSEUSE & MARTIAL ARTS
Born: Tokyo, Japan
Educated: Everett High School
Hobbies: looking shocked, amphetamines & stir fry
Goals: stay loaded; Stop Godzilla!!
Favorite Quote: "Gabba Gabba We accept you--one of us."

EARL & RICE STICKEY
PRO WRESTLING CORRESPONDENTS
Born: Mobile, AL
Educated:N/A
Hobbies: cow tippin', beer drinkin', porn mags
Goals: world wrasslin' championship; more hookers
Favorite Quote: "Let's go pick up some hookers."

LEE RAY MARS
DRUNK TANK OPERATIVE
Born: German Town, IL
Educated: Benny Hill College; Harvard Extension
Goals: To eliminate all living abortions
Favorite Quote: "Leave me alone, I'm sharpening the saw right now."

LEE's FAVORITE ALBUMS:
1. "Exile On Main Street" and "Sticky Fingers" Rolling Stones
2. "Rocks" Aerosmith
3. (tie) "II & III" Led Zeppelin
4. "The Slider" by T. Rex
5. "Hot Steel & Acid" by Nervous Eaters


COBB GARRISON III
FIREARMS EXPERT & FLORAL ARRANGEMENTS
Born: Bitchslap, Arkansas
Educated:Tufts University
Hobbies: ignoring restraining orders, homemade bombs
Goals: to plant the most beautifulest garden;
Favorite Quote: "I'm going to go buy more ammo, and then I'm going to kill you."

TAFFY MATHERS
HAIRCARE TIPS & EXOTIC DANCER
Born:Tuna Fish, Wyoming
Educated:Knox Jr. High
Hobbies: lapdances, pedicures
Goals: dance nekkid on "American Bandstand"
Favorite Quote: "These ain't fake, I just swallowed a coupla spittoons."

FRANCIS PAUL PARCELLIN
1926-2002
Born: Malden, MA
Educated: Northeastern University
Quote: "The first shall be last, and the last shall be first."